Needless to say, when spending time with my family is among my most favorite things, I felt purposely left out and like a fifth wheel. I am very grateful for my mother who was happy to play with Andy and talk with me.
As I have been attempting to break out of the sadness and to heal some of the hurt I realized that I was looking for fulfilment from people and acceptance but the only One I can count on is Jesus. How must He feel when I purposely disclude Him when what He wants most from me is my time? He wants to show me His heart. He accepts me just as I am. He wants to reveal His purpose for my life. Yet I continue the "rift" between us because I don't have time for Him.
Let me correct that.
I don't make time for Him like I should. All the reasons why are truly a jumble in my head and at this very moment are being sorted in my heart. But I certainly have a long list of reasons which will be addressed as soon as I can get even a portion dealt with.
What I do know is that even when I choose to leave God out He is always there. He is ready to meet me where I am at and loves me despite my "issues." He sent His son Jesus to show me just how much He loves me. A Savior is born to heal the "rift" I have placed between God and myself. God always follows forgiveness with grace. His acceptance is blessedly overwhelming.
Do not grieve, for the JOY of the Lord is your strength.