Friday, December 26, 2008

A Savior Is Born

When I was younger, and honestly, not even that long ago I would find myself disappointed and sad when Christmas day was over. For a long time I couldn't figure out why I was feeling that way. Finally, maturity revealed that I was searching for fulfillment which I believed would come with the gifts that I would receive. But even though I received many great gifts, that sense of fulfillment was always just out of my grasp.

I finally discovered, after several sad Christmases, that fulfilment does not come with getting "stuff".

This year, the day after Christmas, I find myself feeling sad and disappointed all over again. But for completely different reasons. Or are they?

This year, more than most years, I wanted to create a season of traditions and festivities for my family. Since we are a fairly new family and since this is Andy's first Christmas, I wanted to make it memorable. I tried really hard to come up with and actually follow through with activities that could possibly become traditions for my family.

Soon into Christmas morning my high expectations were dashed to the ground and I found myself in tears for reasons that aren't worth rehashing. Then later that day when faced with what I feel to be a major rift in my extended family, I just became inconsolable. The usual issues began even when I have made all efforts to change things. The problem is when other people let their pride get in the way and the rift continues. This has never been how my family operates and I am beside myself to think that some people who are supposed to be close choose to keep their distance and not follow forgiveness with grace.

Needless to say, when spending time with my family is among my most favorite things, I felt purposely left out and like a fifth wheel. I am very grateful for my mother who was happy to play with Andy and talk with me.

As I have been attempting to break out of the sadness and to heal some of the hurt I realized that I was looking for fulfilment from people and acceptance but the only One I can count on is Jesus. How must He feel when I purposely disclude Him when what He wants most from me is my time? He wants to show me His heart. He accepts me just as I am. He wants to reveal His purpose for my life. Yet I continue the "rift" between us because I don't have time for Him.

Let me correct that.

I don't make time for Him like I should. All the reasons why are truly a jumble in my head and at this very moment are being sorted in my heart. But I certainly have a long list of reasons which will be addressed as soon as I can get even a portion dealt with.

What I do know is that even when I choose to leave God out He is always there. He is ready to meet me where I am at and loves me despite my "issues." He sent His son Jesus to show me just how much He loves me. A Savior is born to heal the "rift" I have placed between God and myself. God always follows forgiveness with grace. His acceptance is blessedly overwhelming.

Do not grieve, for the JOY of the Lord is your strength.
Nehemiah 8:10

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